Today I celebrate my 30th birthday. To be fair,I never really celebrate birthdays because I never felt the need to celebrate it but today. I am in a better place mentally to get up and celebrate life, Joy’s, Pain and sadness that comes with this thing called life.
Two year’s ago. I was watching a Kendrick Lamar advert he made for Rebook were he instilled in himself that he is the King. That stuck out to me and I Began using that phrase to like boost my self confidence everytime I was feeling down. It worked wonders. Now I feel like standing in on top of the building,screaming to everyone who can hear me “that I am the King and I came Run and Rule My kingdom”. So everyone can take a bow and acknowledge me,sing praises that never end because I am the King.
I love myself. I am proud of myself of making it this far while everyone is fighting never ending battle’s and some end up losing those battles but I’m still here matching forward.
Happy 30th birthday to me. I never thought I’ll get here. It has been one long tough road that fills your mind with doubts and fear but as I turn over a new Leaf. I’m chucking out old habits. Burying old grudges and Hatreds,doubts and fears. I’m starting a new life with a new born me. Cleansed mind,body and spirit. I will emerge happy,wise and sympathetic to those that did me wrong. I wish a long, happy and successful life to me and to those around me.
Happy birthday. Enjoy life,cherish it as much as you can. Always remember that you’re the King. You’re loved and don’t doubt yourself. Love yourself and stay true to yourself. Give Love,joy and laughter. Be the leader that you always were. Happy birthday.
Please don’t tell me you still love me Please don’t ask me to forgive you Please stop saying you’ll change Please stop trying to win me back Please let me experience the pain of losing you Because that’s the only way I’ll ever move on If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to like, follow, […]
Love is a beautiful thing. Love is an emotion/feeling that deserves to be cherished on the daily. I think love is one of the beautiful things created for human beings to be happy.
I always listen to people when they’re Sharing their beautiful love stories. How they met their partners. How they share everything and even go to Baecations and at the same time. I’m always left with thousand and one questions mostly directed at me. It break’s my heart that I can’t find love like that and it depresses me sometimes.
Many moon’s ago. I believed that I found love, I believed that we was gonna live happily ever after and us too will share those beautiful testimonials plus make people believe in love again but that wasn’t the case. These day’s we find people who claim they know about love that they wanna experience it with you but you just gonna be used. That’s it.
My Questions are. How do you know if the person is for you?how do you differentiate between love and Lust? When it comes to relationships we always look for longevity not a one night stands. How do you make sure that your relationship stands a test of time longevity that is?do you go for beauty, Beautiful body, a smart partner or money is the motivator? These are the questions I ask myself on the daily everytime I see a happy couple. How do they do it?
Today. I woke-up feeling a little down and out of touch with reality. I felt like my brain was about to burst through my skull and I was overwhelmed with sad and mixed emotions. I was feeling really pissed off and feeling like beating the crap out of anyone, everything around me annoyed me and I don’t know what causes or triggers that kind of emotions. From what I feel this is way too dangerous. I shouldn’t be feeling this angry and anxious about everything around me. I always ask myself this question “was triggers me to feel angry,sad and overwhelmed sometimes when I wakeup”? But I never get an answer to that question.
I know people go through a lot these days. Things that makes them feel this way and have no-one to talk to. I hope people get passed that stage and start to feel connected to everything but most importantly at ease. Text a friend. Post on social media just don’t keep everything to yourself because it helps sometimes. Just don’t go through things alone.
I ask this question because few weeks ago,I call it few weeks which was actually last year in December. I was happily dating a beautiful young lady but I won’t mention her name but the way she accommodated me and made me happy was indescribable. Our relationship or romantic thing ended abruptly without any concrete reason,she told me her love for me died,she didn’t love me anymore. So she decided to end things but to my surprise she insisted we stay friends. I said no because I couldn’t handle that hence my love for her was strong and could melt an IceCube. I decided to let her be.
What confused me was,the day before the breakup we were kissing, hugging and holding hands with no idea that it was about to go south for me, she told me if we ever breakup her life will never be the same,that she will never love the same as I was the most chilled and loving person she ever met but still she broke thing’s off between us in the most stupid and selfish way ever.
If it was money that drove her away(she knew I was broke and still hustling).if it was not me driving (she knew I didn’t have a license,car and couldn’t drive to save my life). If it was about me not having a house(she knew I was still living with my parents). And before we dated,she claimed that she doesn’t care about the money,car,or an apartment. She just wanted to be with me.
Our relationship was beautiful. It was like stoking an already Lit fire that would be both online and offline. We didn’t care it was something that kept us going and happy. That is why the breakup confused me to the moon and back.
So I pose a question today. What makes Girls/Ladies and woman in general happy?is it money?is it cars?or apartments?what is that thing that makes women happy?share your thoughts.
I grew up in a Christian home were you would go to church every Sunday. Attending Sunday school’s, taking part in the choir and going to church services every Sunday plus I got baptized and I mean going in full time.I never doubted anything and I never questioned it because I saw movie’s like The Book Of ELI, The Case For Christ and the passion of Christ. Those movie’s steadied my Belief in Jesus Christ and the Almighty God. Plus, all the thing’s that were happening in my life only made me believe in Christianity like this is the only way to live. I healed from my death bed. I won spiritual fight’s and I’m still here while everyone is dying. And I was like if you don’t see and believe in that then you’re really lost
Fast forward years down the line. I started to question everything. Starting with the Bible, Faith, Christianity as a whole. Reading books like The Forbidden Religion by Jose M. Herrou Aragon and the starts off from the beginning of the Bible. Talks about the bad and good of the religion we following. Talks about the God’s we are praying to and that we should dig a little deeper before investing our emotions and faith. So that book kinda put on the fence of being a Christian, Atheist and a none believer but that would be like denying everything I witnessed plus in complete conflict with what I believe in. I decided to name that book only because it is one of my favourite books and it is really clear of religion and all that.
I’m at a point of asking myself where to from here?I love Christianity because it has shown me that through believe and faith you can conquer any obstacles put in front of you and live a peaceful life with laughter and happiness but on the other hand. You have science that’s like screw your religion. This is how we came to be on this earth with the big bang theory and evolution. I listen to that big theory story and evolution story and they make sense,look at how life is going now. It is a big mess and no-one has a solution on what to do. And Science is winning while the religious side of thing’s is kind of slowing down and not convincing People that we are here for a reason.
I can go at it for the whole day and night. Still won’t find an answer. What do you believe in?have you ever doubted your religion at some point?talk to me.
I never meant to lose my way but I couldn’t resist the temptation. I was caught between reality and my Fantasy. I was meant to stare not touch. I was broken but you found a way to mend and heal me with the missing piesces. Trust and loyalty wasn’t in your vocabulary. When you came and seduced me into meeting your affections. It never occurred to me that you might be using me and your heart belongs to someone else. I kept my distance but you kept on coming on to me like a kid who was after my sweets.
You were occupied but I was a freelancer. I made love to you. I touched that body. I enjoyed the day but went to bed with regret knowing you will never be mine. I loved the gifts. The money we were blowing after the truth came out I found it worthless. It wasn’t a fling but it was an affair that brought you to me because you weren’t happy. I knew you were married but I couldn’t get anough. Today I bow down praying to god. asking for forgiveness that I lost my way and gave in to the temptations around me. When I came to your house. I never wanted to get caught. I wanted to please you as a way of thanking you for the gifts and money but your man caught us red handed and he’s assumptions about you were real. You got dervoced. you lost it all but I tend to fault myself for all of that. The romance with the married woman ended with tears rather than happiness to last us a life-time. We parted ways. Now I don’t know if you are alive or dead but am glad that I made it out alive that day. A dark cloud hangs upon my head that I broke marriage… I hope you are well.
The word is respect. Many want it but don’t wana earn it. The old saying goes like “give respect in order to get it back” more like scratch my back and yours will be scratched. From the young to the old. Respect doesn’t choose. Working hard. Being well known but you name doesn’t go hand in hand with your reputation. because Respect wasn’t part of it. Wana be respected from here to the states but all you do is go around spitting in people’s faces and being disrespectful. The word is Respect. It doesn’t matter where you come from and where you going. The word is Respect. It doesn’t matter if you are white or black. Respect gives you more badges than material things will. More like giving you a hand when falling or showing you the way whenever you are going astray,it creates bounderies formed by Respect. Every little thing you do requires Respect by doing so Respect is earned. The word is Respect,give people Respect and you shall receive it too.
It’s been a while since I wrote something. I haven’t felt inspired to sit down and write or maybe I need a break from it all and find my myself to feel inspired to write again. Maybe,I will feel inspired again like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes. I will claim victory and attack with the potency that I have.
Happy new year. Stay safe and look after yourself.